Well this has been a pretty shitty week. It seemed to all kick off after my last blog post about my problem with Banquet Records and although I had a lot of supportive comments, there was also quite a few negative comments. I don't take compliments well but I take anything thats negative to heart. I know I shouldn't but I'm very hard on myself and don't have a lot of self confidence/esteem and negative comments just reinforce everything.
The whole situation couldn't have come at a worse time, I've been struggling again and insanely low in general and this seemed to be the icing on the cake. I saw that Lights was playing the Water Rats in Kings Cross and I had pretty much decided that if the gig goes well I'd carry on with photography and if it didn't then I'd take some time out from photography.
I felt like I'd hit a bad run of gigs and was really struggling to get reasonable images, let alone anything I was really proud of. With everything that had gone on I felt like it was all too much and didn't really felt like it was worth it.
Lights sounded great as she always does but the whole situation was terrible. I got there at a decent time but it was pouring with rain and the queue was huge. They opened the doors late so I was soaked and when I got inside they hadn't opened the main room so everyone was squeezed into the small front bar and once I got into the main room I couldn't get a decent spot. I got stuck and the person in front let two other photographers in front of her/me and I tried shooting round them but it just wasn't working. I ended up taking about 4 photos in the first 3ish songs and decided to leave. It's one of the worst gig/photography experiences I've had. It was so frustrating and just added to all the shit I was feeling. I'd pretty much had enough and had decided a break was the best thing.
This was the only remotely ok photo from the Lights gig...
The whole situation couldn't have come at a worse time, I've been struggling again and insanely low in general and this seemed to be the icing on the cake. I saw that Lights was playing the Water Rats in Kings Cross and I had pretty much decided that if the gig goes well I'd carry on with photography and if it didn't then I'd take some time out from photography.
I felt like I'd hit a bad run of gigs and was really struggling to get reasonable images, let alone anything I was really proud of. With everything that had gone on I felt like it was all too much and didn't really felt like it was worth it.
Lights sounded great as she always does but the whole situation was terrible. I got there at a decent time but it was pouring with rain and the queue was huge. They opened the doors late so I was soaked and when I got inside they hadn't opened the main room so everyone was squeezed into the small front bar and once I got into the main room I couldn't get a decent spot. I got stuck and the person in front let two other photographers in front of her/me and I tried shooting round them but it just wasn't working. I ended up taking about 4 photos in the first 3ish songs and decided to leave. It's one of the worst gig/photography experiences I've had. It was so frustrating and just added to all the shit I was feeling. I'd pretty much had enough and had decided a break was the best thing.
This was the only remotely ok photo from the Lights gig...
I was pretty ok with my decision but the next day I got a message from Craig Burton about some photos we were meant to do together and I told him I think we'd have to leave it but totally regretted saying it. I don't really know why and I can't really explain what had changed as I was still feeling shit but I was actually excited about taking photos again.
I had planned to photograph some people for International Reading Comics In Public day and decided to try and do it anyway. I mentioned a while back on here that photographing people reading comics was a project I really wanted to do and I thought this would be a good starting point.
Thanks to rain and Craig being unwell I only got to shoot Mark Gamble. I've arranged to shoot a couple more sets of photos this week, so hopefully this all goes well.
The photos of Mark aren't amazing but it was nice to be out shooting again.
I had planned to photograph some people for International Reading Comics In Public day and decided to try and do it anyway. I mentioned a while back on here that photographing people reading comics was a project I really wanted to do and I thought this would be a good starting point.
Thanks to rain and Craig being unwell I only got to shoot Mark Gamble. I've arranged to shoot a couple more sets of photos this week, so hopefully this all goes well.
The photos of Mark aren't amazing but it was nice to be out shooting again.
The other photos of Mark are here.
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Pleased you're still going on with photography, you really do have an excellent talent though I understand that if it's not making you happy, and is instead making you feel more shit that's not a good situation to be in.
ReplyDeleteWill be happy and interested to see how this new project develops.
Its obvious its what you love but perhaps just take a short break from the gig photography, from the stress due to these external fuck-ups.
Perhaps by concentrating on street photography and such alternate projects you can re-develop your enjoyment and love for it.
Thank you Sarah. I do think I need a break from gig photography and I don't have anything planned for that for a while except maybe one of two things. I do really feel like I need a change of direction and to do something different. Fingers crossed I can follow through with it.
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